The answer is coming soon...

A thing that I noted to a friend today, is that my job is probably sick of me not being there. I told her that they will probably let me go soon, not because they do not like me, but because I have been sick a lot and I do not qualify for intermittent leave. But, I should really leave anyway. I have done the same job for almost 5 years, I have not moved up, or laterally. They will not put me in a different position, because I only work a few days a week. Which in some of the positions that they could put me in, it would not matter how many days I work.

I am going to start looking into photography courses, since it is something that I like to do and it is something that could be done while riding around town. Something outdoors, that is where I think I was meant to be or in at least a job, where you get to move. My job does none of that, I am stuck to a chair, I feel chained there. I am a log that never gets to roll.

Thing is though I am scared to let go. On the one hand, if I did, it would be like a weight was lifted and it would give me more time with family because I could get things done while they are out of the house for the day. Also, I could take care of the house, so that my boyfriend did not have to!! :) But on the other, I don't know if it is financially feasible. It costs a lot to have a camera :(. And my job pays really well. It is well above minimum wage. Not that I think that a minimum wage job is not a good thing!! It is and some of those jobs would be 10 times better then mine :)!!

The other thing that I contemplate time to time, is selling off my Star Wars collection so that I would not have to worry about the finances for a while. I must have over 800 unopened figures, bunch of micro machines, legos, puzzles, vehicles etc. And sometimes I think that would give us a cushion, so that when I do go, it would give me time to look for a job and not have to worry about much. (But all this is only a thought not a reality)

I know the answer is going to come soon, I just have to be ready to take the plunge!

They're goin in

I have been battling with a stomach ailment for about 2 years now. It is very stressful, does not make me feel good and I have to worship the porcelain goddess at least a couple of times a month. I have been to the doctors many of times and they have given me a little diagnosis, but nothing has seem to take it all away, or manage it.

It seems that no matter what I eat, it does not make me feel right, it makes me feel sick. I am at the point were it seems that food is the enemy and all it wants to do is reek havoc on my body. This happened last year and I had little time to train, which I am now of the opinion that I am on the same course for this year!! It is a roller coaster ride and I want to get off!! But how do you do so when you do not know where the ride operator went??

I was yet again at the doctors yesterday, there is a wonderful FNP that is at my doctors. She is referring me to a specialist that she says has a way of finding things that no one else has found. I am optimistic!!


Well yesterday, one thing good that I was told, is I do not have any liver disease!! That I am sure I could have told you on my own!! :)

Today they are goin in (not literally). My FNP ordered a CAT scan. I am getting it to see if they can see anything wrong??? Why yes there is something wrong, even if you do NOT see it!!! I was given 2 giant bottles of Barium :(. One I drank last night and I thought that I was going to puke and gave me a severe headache, the other I have to drink 3 hours before I come in today. They told my boyfriend that I was not allowed to eat solid foods after the barium today (have you ever really thought about that word?? Barium? It reminds me of bury um!! 6 feet under why don't you ;) ) I found that a little ironic, but hey, they do not know food is my enemy and I have really not eaten in 7 days.

oh well, wish me luck ... LUCK hehehe :)

Could I please have a new stomach???

I know, I know why is it that I do not keep this updated??

Lately, I have not been doing much, but I think about doing things :) !! Does that count? NO. I didn't think so!!

I have been sick twice, to MA again to pick up my son from camp, to the dentist, riding, running, and swimming (the last three, way less then I should be :( ).

This weekend we helped out at my son's school to get it ready for the new school year. He goes to a Waldorf school and it is like one big community that works together!! Great thing. I was really sick and we only stayed for 2 hours. I wanted to be out riding this weekend, but it just wasn't in the cards and the puking would have prevented that anyway.

Please oh please, could I have a new stomach??? I wish that I could trade it in. I have some stomach issues (believe me, I have seen more then one doctor and they have not helped) I am trying not to eat nightshades because I think they are making me sick, which is very sad because I love them!! I have decided to go back to my way special way of eatting. It really is not that special, but it really seemed to help my stomach. I would eat a shake in the morning and then a meal in the afternoon and then another shake in the evening. This seemed to help my stomach and made me feel better. I guess it was because there was less to digest.

Well, I am signing off for now, not feelin great right now, stomach hurts and does not feel great. I need a new one!! I wish that I had one.