Ironman... the long and winding road

"Your body will argue that there is no justifiable reason to continue. Your only recourse is to call on your spirit, which fortunately functions independently of logic." Tim Noakes

"Only those who risk going too far can possibly find out how far they can go." T.S. Elliot


The answer is coming soon...

A thing that I noted to a friend today, is that my job is probably sick of me not being there. I told her that they will probably let me go soon, not because they do not like me, but because I have been sick a lot and I do not qualify for intermittent leave. But, I should really leave anyway. I have done the same job for almost 5 years, I have not moved up, or laterally. They will not put me in a different position, because I only work a few days a week. Which in some of the positions that they could put me in, it would not matter how many days I work.

I am going to start looking into photography courses, since it is something that I like to do and it is something that could be done while riding around town. Something outdoors, that is where I think I was meant to be or in at least a job, where you get to move. My job does none of that, I am stuck to a chair, I feel chained there. I am a log that never gets to roll.

Thing is though I am scared to let go. On the one hand, if I did, it would be like a weight was lifted and it would give me more time with family because I could get things done while they are out of the house for the day. Also, I could take care of the house, so that my boyfriend did not have to!! :) But on the other, I don't know if it is financially feasible. It costs a lot to have a camera :(. And my job pays really well. It is well above minimum wage. Not that I think that a minimum wage job is not a good thing!! It is and some of those jobs would be 10 times better then mine :)!!

The other thing that I contemplate time to time, is selling off my Star Wars collection so that I would not have to worry about the finances for a while. I must have over 800 unopened figures, bunch of micro machines, legos, puzzles, vehicles etc. And sometimes I think that would give us a cushion, so that when I do go, it would give me time to look for a job and not have to worry about much. (But all this is only a thought not a reality)

I know the answer is going to come soon, I just have to be ready to take the plunge!

They're goin in

I have been battling with a stomach ailment for about 2 years now. It is very stressful, does not make me feel good and I have to worship the porcelain goddess at least a couple of times a month. I have been to the doctors many of times and they have given me a little diagnosis, but nothing has seem to take it all away, or manage it.

It seems that no matter what I eat, it does not make me feel right, it makes me feel sick. I am at the point were it seems that food is the enemy and all it wants to do is reek havoc on my body. This happened last year and I had little time to train, which I am now of the opinion that I am on the same course for this year!! It is a roller coaster ride and I want to get off!! But how do you do so when you do not know where the ride operator went??

I was yet again at the doctors yesterday, there is a wonderful FNP that is at my doctors. She is referring me to a specialist that she says has a way of finding things that no one else has found. I am optimistic!!

Well yesterday, one thing good that I was told, is I do not have any liver disease!! That I am sure I could have told you on my own!! :)

Today they are goin in (not literally). My FNP ordered a CAT scan. I am getting it to see if they can see anything wrong??? Why yes there is something wrong, even if you do NOT see it!!! I was given 2 giant bottles of Barium :(. One I drank last night and I thought that I was going to puke and gave me a severe headache, the other I have to drink 3 hours before I come in today. They told my boyfriend that I was not allowed to eat solid foods after the barium today (have you ever really thought about that word?? Barium? It reminds me of bury um!! 6 feet under why don't you ;) ) I found that a little ironic, but hey, they do not know food is my enemy and I have really not eaten in 7 days.

oh well, wish me luck ... LUCK hehehe :)


Could I please have a new stomach???

I know, I know why is it that I do not keep this updated??

Lately, I have not been doing much, but I think about doing things :) !! Does that count? NO. I didn't think so!!

I have been sick twice, to MA again to pick up my son from camp, to the dentist, riding, running, and swimming (the last three, way less then I should be :( ).

This weekend we helped out at my son's school to get it ready for the new school year. He goes to a Waldorf school and it is like one big community that works together!! Great thing. I was really sick and we only stayed for 2 hours. I wanted to be out riding this weekend, but it just wasn't in the cards and the puking would have prevented that anyway.

Please oh please, could I have a new stomach??? I wish that I could trade it in. I have some stomach issues (believe me, I have seen more then one doctor and they have not helped) I am trying not to eat nightshades because I think they are making me sick, which is very sad because I love them!! I have decided to go back to my way special way of eatting. It really is not that special, but it really seemed to help my stomach. I would eat a shake in the morning and then a meal in the afternoon and then another shake in the evening. This seemed to help my stomach and made me feel better. I guess it was because there was less to digest.

Well, I am signing off for now, not feelin great right now, stomach hurts and does not feel great. I need a new one!! I wish that I had one.